My Seat On Deceit

I cheated on my boyfriend 2 weeks ago. Everyone hates my boyfriend. Everyone tries to put somesort of thought in my mind that I’m too good for him I just scoff. I cheated for fucks sake. I’m almost craving criticism because that’s 200x more genuine. I’d rather have people be angry over indifferent. At least anger inspires action. Killer point here is I know how much of a bad idea he is. I’ve already been hurt by him. I know what type of person he is and he’s probably poison to me. Delicious poison that courses through my being as I think of him. It’s disintegrating my moral wall. Breaking down each brick with its corrosive euphoria. These bricks cannot be replaced. Once submerged in this poison, irreversible damage is done to my morals. The flag of self respect is burned with the blaring flames of passion. The one doorway i have out before the wall collapses completely, the door of righteousness and common sense, have been closed for years locked tight with a chain. A chain of self doubt, insecurity, and lust. Breaking away from this distopia is impossible. I can look over the wall and see how perfect life could be, but all these components of the wall throw me back. I’m in love and I hate it. It’s forcing me to wallow in my own miserable room painted colors of love, screaming volumes at me as I watch the paint peel. When all the paint peels off.. That’s when I’m free.

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